A letter received by
Australian airline from its passenger that compelled him to sit alongside a man
as fat as“an infant hippopotamus”
who resembled “blue cheese” and a “Mumbai slum”has turned into a web
sensation because of its amusing comparisons and articulate rage.
As per Huffington Post UK,
a blog was written by Rich Wisken complaining that he paid an additional $23
for a walkway seat so he could enjoy extra space on his 4 hour flight from
Perth to Sydney.
Rather, he ended up
situated by a beyond fat man, restraining him to his seat as “a fleshy boulder.”
He attempted to change his seat but every vacant seat was consumed by
travelers spreading themselves for solace.
Thanks elitedaily
Wisken was even more
furious when he found out a couple of days later the fact that the flight he
booked with this same airline to Melbourne had been abandoned.
The re-booked flight was
also abandoned and the other one scheduled after that was delayed by couple of
hours.
Huffington Post UK reports
that after Jetstar received the letter, they emailed Wisken with a $87 voucher
to compensate for the series of detriments.
“Awesome work, Jetstar!” he wrote in accordingly.
Thanks elitedaily
Below is the full letter written by
Wisken to Jetstar.
Dear Jetstar,
Do you like riddles? I do, that’s why I’m starting this letter with one. What weighs more than a Suzuki Swift, less than
a Hummer and smells like the decaying anus of a deceased homeless man? No idea? How about, what measures food portions in kilograms and
has the personal hygiene of a French prostitute? Still nothing? Right, one more try. What’s fat as fuck, stinks like shit and should be forced to
purchase two seats on a Jetstar flight? That’s right, it’s the man I sat next to under on my
flight from Perth to Sydney yesterday.
As I boarded the plane, I mentally
high-fived myself for paying the additional $25 for an emergency seat. I was
imagining all that extra room, when I was suddenly distracted by what appeared
to be an infant hippopotamus located halfway down the aisle. As I got closer, I
was relieved to see that it wasn’t a dangerous semi-aquatic African mammal, but a morbidly
obese human being. However, this relief was short-lived when I realised that my
seat was located somewhere underneath him.
Soon after I managed to burrow into my
seat, I caught what was to be the first of numerous fetid whiffs of body odour.
His scent possessed hints of blue cheese and Mumbai slum, with nuances of
sweaty flesh and human faeces sprayed with cologne - Eau No.
Considering I was visibly under duress, I found it strange that none of the
cabin crew offered me another seat. To be fair, it’s entirely possible that none of them
actually saw me. Perhaps this photo will jog their memories.
Pinned to my seat by a fleshy boulder, I
started preparing for a 127 Hours-like escape.
Thankfully though, the beast moved slightly to his left, which allowed me to
stand up, walk to the back of the plane and politely ask the cabin crew to be
seated elsewhere. I didn’t
catch the names of the three flight attendants, but for the purpose of this
letter, I’ll call them: Chatty 1, Chatty 2 and Giggly (I’ve given them all the same surname - Couldnotgiveashit). After my request, Chatty 1 and
Chatty 2 continued their conversation, presumably about how shit they
are at their jobs, and Giggly, well, she just
giggled. I then asked if I could sit in one of the six vacant seats at the back
of the aircraft, to whichGiggly responded, “hehehe, they’re for crew only, hehehe“. I think Giggly may be suffering
from some form of mental impairment.
I tried to relocate myself without the
assistance of the Couldnotgiveashit triplets, but
unfortunately everyone with a row to themselves was now lying down. It was then
I realised that my fate was sealed. I made my way back to Jabba the Hutt and
spent the remainder of the flight smothered in side-boob and cellulite, taking
shallow breaths to avoid noxious gas poisoning. Just before landing, I revisited
the back of the plane to use the toilet. You could imagine my surprise when I
saw both “crew only” rows occupied by non-crew members. I can only assume Giggly let
them sit there after she forgot who she was and why she’s flying on a big, shiny metal thing in
the sky.
Imagine going out for dinner and a
movie, only to have your night ruined by a fat mess who eats half your meal
then blocks 50% of the screen. Isn’t that exactly the same as having someone who can’t control their calorie intake occupying
half your seat on a flight? Of course it is, so that’s why I’m demanding a full refund of my ticket, including the $25 for
an emergency row seat.
I’m also looking to be compensated for the physical pain and
mental suffering caused by being enveloped in human blubber for four hours. My
lower back is in agony and I had to type this letter one-handed as I’m yet to regain full use of my left
side. If I don’t
recover completely, I’ll
have to say goodbye to my lifelong dream of becoming Air Guitar World Champion. If that occurs, you will pay.
To discuss my generous compensation
package, email me at: richwisken@hotmail.com, or tweet me at: @RichWisken
No regards, Rich Wisken.
Source: elitedaily
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